New Years Child
by Sumi-Sprite
Summary: Prompt FILL from the RotG KINKmeme - Just because you're called 'The Guardians of Childhood' apparently doesn't mean you know a damn thing about children and how to take care of them, less so how to make them stop crying. And apparently other spirits aren't too savvy on childcare themselves. Enter Pitch Black.
1. Chapter 1

**New Year's Child.**

Ch. 1

_A/N~ Hahaha…man why am I doing this? Now I'm filling three prompts at the same time. Going to hell now. XD_

_Ahem, anyways! Hope the OP likes what I wrote and it up to standards! When I saw this prompt, I was so sure it would be filled, like, INSTANTLY. Imagine my shock when I come back (a month or so later I think?) and see it's still not filled. My reaction, "Jesus tap-dancing Christ, the fandom world is imploding…" direct quote!_

_Please enjoy!_

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_Jack Frost-_

_You are invited to the Guardians' New Year's party at Santoff Clausen! We hope to see you attend to both have a wonderful New Year's celebration, and to formerly announce your Guardianship to the rest of the spirit world. The party starts at 7:00 pm tonight. Don't be late!_

_~North._

Jack' re-read over the letter for what had to have been the tenth time, still unable to fully believe the elegantly scrawled words on the sturdy parchment. But once he was sure his sight wasn't playing tricks on him, and that the invitation – delivered by one very grouchy Yeti via Snow Globe portal – was in fact real, he couldn't stop the overly excited grin from breaking over his face.

"I'm invited to a party…a party at _North's_." he whooped and flipped around in the air, the wind tossing him to and fro in his excitement.

A small part of him knew he was acting childish for his excitement. To others, the invite would be so insignificant and not worth all the enthusiasm. But to Jack, a spirit known for being kicked out of parties when he would try to worm his way in uninvited, it was like winning the lottery.

Jack looked up at the small clock tower beside the tree he was in. The time currently read 5:42 pm. He had plenty of time to send one last snowfall for the kids for New Years, and get ready and maybe clean himself up a bit. Maybe he could get Jamie to lend him a tie for a laugh or two.

Giving one last whoop, Jack cut through the chilled Canadian air and made his journey back to Burgess.

The frost spirit touched down atop a familiar memorial statue in Burgess' park, surveying his handiwork. Snow covered every inch of the town in a thick blanket. Various icicles dripped from awnings and gutters, while floral frost patterns covered windows and vehicles. Even now the sky was still letting down a slow, gentle snowfall to help the winter wonderland build up over night. The kids of Burgess were pretty much guaranteed a snow day tomorrow.

Now satisfied, Jack took off into the air again. All he had left to do was to re-ice his lake so it was safe for ice skating in the morning, then he could head to North's for the party.

'_Wonder who else is going to be there.'_ he thought.

His lake now in sight, Jack touched down on the shore, taking in the surrounding area to-

"_Waaaahhh…!"_

Jack tensed at the faint sound before instinctively falling into a defensive stance, his staff held out in front of him. His eyes swiftly looked around the surrounding forest and his lake, unable to pinpoint the noise.

"_Waaaahhh…!"_

What was that noise? It sounded like a distressed animal.

"Hello…?" he called cautiously, carefully stepping onto his lake.

Another noise, this one sounding almost like a garbled hiccup, was heard, this time somewhat closer. Jack tightened his grip on his staff, a frown creasing his forehead. The noise seemed…familiar. Where had he heard it before? He knew he had heard it somewhere. He just couldn't for the life of him pinpoint from _where_.

"Hello?" he called again, louder this time.

Jack jolted when what sounded like a shrill whimper rang through the chilly air, followed by…was that a sob?

'_Wait…that sounds like-'_

The back of Jack's heel hit something soft, drawing out a startled whine. Yelping, Jack jumped back and spun around, pointing his staff at whatever it was he hit.

Jack blinked in confusion when he saw no one in front of him. There was nothing but the forest before him, and a small stretch of his lake. So then what…?

"Bah…"

Tensing, Jack slowly lowered his gaze downwards and onto the iced surface of the lake.

His jaw dropped open in utter astonishment.

Lying on the frozen water's surface and swathed in a thick, warm looking forest green blanket with intricate ivy embroidery, was a _baby_.

"Uh…" this was probably the least most intelligent thing Jack has ever said in his life. Ever.

The baby whimpered and opened – his? Her? – eyes. Obsidian black eyes locked onto Jack's ice-core irises. A sort of awkward staring contest ensured. And in true Jack Frost fashion, Jack smiled meekly at the child and waved a hand.

"Hey there kiddo." He said.

The baby stared with wide eyes at him…

Then started to bawl its eyes out.

"Ah! N-no, no! I-it's okay!" Hesitantly, Jack got down on his knees and lifted the baby into his arms, rocking her back and forth, "Shh, shh, it's okay. I didn't mean to scare you."

But still the child continued to cry. The child's surprisingly thick black hair stuck to red, tear soaked cheeks. Jack continued to rock the child in his arms, but the crying wasn't faltering. If anything, it seemed to be getting louder!

'_Oh man, what do I do?'_ he thought in dismay.

Jack wracked his brain to try and find out what it was that could be distressing the child. It couldn't be that the child was cold; the blanket was very well insulated, and the baby felt warm. Was the child sick? Hungry? Moon forbid, did it need to be changed?

'_I don't know what to do! What would a mom do!?'_ he thought.

He suddenly blinked and looked around, his mind reeling and heart frantic as something dawned on him.

Where was the child's mother?

To be continued…

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_A/N~ This fic can also be found on DreamWidth! See links to my prompt fills on my profile!_

_Next up, North and the other Guardians, plus a troop of other spirits, show up to see why Jack hasn't showed up, and all throw in their two cents on child care. This can only end well. And Pitch just wants to go to sleep __**damn it.**_

_R&R please!_

_~S~_


	2. Chapter 2

**New Year's Child.**

Ch. 2

_A/N~ uuuggghh why aren't I sleeping? TwT_

This is a fill from DreamWidth from the RotG KINKmeme. Please enjoy!

Pairing: N/A

Genre: Humor, fluff, family, angst (mild).

Rating: T (for swearing)

_~S~_

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North, for what had to be the fifteenth time in the last minute, looked at the clock sitting on the mantle. It was now a full hour past the intended time for guests to arrive, and still the guest of honor was missing!

"Phil…" he grunted lowly. The named Yeti discreetly shuffled over to North, pretending to offer his boss some of his snack tray's snacks, "Any word of Jack yet?"

The grey Yeti grunted out a negative, along with a few snippets of overheard conversations from the other guests. Apparently everyone was getting impatient and wondering where Jack Frost was. Sure the party itself was great; the food was fantastic, the music was quite pleasant, and they all had no qualms against being able to catch up with old friends. But the main reason they even came, especially the other seasonal spirits, was to see the winter sprite.

The mentioned winter sprite had long been absent since – North checked the clock again – one hour, eight minutes, and forty two seconds. And the other Guardians were getting worried. Or at least everyone except Bunny. The Pooka was up until this point convinced Jack was trying to build up on a dramatic entrance or something. The thought gradually diminished as the minutes ticked by, and now even he was worried that something might be wrong.

But until they could figure out _what_, the Guardians banded together and made it their personal mission to keep the guests as entertained as possible until Jack's arrival. It worked for a while, but they were starting to run out of ideas – or party tricks in Sandy's case.*

Sooner or later, the whole thing was going to go to hell…

"Yo, Jolly-man…"

"Hm?" startled by the juvenile voice, North spun to face the owner of said voice, only to get a view of the rest of the room.

"Down here, dude…"

Averting his gaze downwards, North blinked at the white and silver cloaked child that didn't even reach his knees. The pale child with copper and silver hair wielded a gold and silver staff with an intricately designed clock at its top, the clock hands themselves now at a standstill. Full golden eyes with elegant, silver cog-like patterns swirled in a dizzying vortex around almost nonexistent pupils stared up at North impassively. The eyes seemed far too serious and out of place on the childish visage and body, it was quite disconcerting to look at. But despite the eerie appearance, instant recognition lit up North's face along with a big grin.

"Father Time!" he bellowed, kneeling down to the tiny spirit, "Or shall I be calling you Baby New Years?" he chuckled.*

"Hahahaha!" the spirit laughed, his front buck teeth flashing, "Hah…never heard that one before. Go on, say something else." Amusement had shifted to sarcasm so swiftly, it fair would give anyone whiplash.

"Hah! I only tease," North said, shaking the spirit's tiny hand, "I was not expecting you to attend this year. Always whining about how busy you are, I thought you'd decline again."

"Yes, well, not all of us have the privileges of working only one night of the year," the time spirit brushed off some invisible dirt from his tunic, "And I only came for the _entertainment_."

"Oh? Well I am glad my Yetis can bring joy to the spirit of time himself!"

A knowing, mischievous grin spread over the cherub face, "You have no idea."

Father Time – or from New Year's Eve to New Year's itself – known as Baby New Year's, was a rather wily spirit. As ever shifting and ever changing as the ocean, and just as unpredictable, he was a force to reckon with. Every spirit respected and feared him and his power, and for good reason too. He was very much capable of making one's life hell, and he would hold absolutely no regret or second thoughts to harming someone he believed deserved it. It wasn't a form of cynical sadism though; Time was incapable of true malice. Time was a true neutral entity – incapable of hatred, grudges, or ill thought towards others. Though he did, however, hold a very dry and sarcastic sense of humor.

Even now spirits tended to walk on egg shells around him, despite his current form. Though this never stopped North from poking fun at the snarky spirit. Every New Year's Eve, Father Time would shrink down to the form of a toddler as his time powers waned and shifted in his shrunken body. The energy stored inside of him would continue to grow until the stroke of midnight of New Year's, then the energy would be released to 'refresh' the new year. Afterwards, he would assume his original form and go back to managing the Time Stream.

So saying, it was quite unusual to see Time himself out of his dimensional domain. It wasn't unheard of per say, but his job of making sure the Time Stream flowed perfectly without falter was a tedious, if not maddeningly life-consuming task. The Time Stream may be at its most stable during New Years, but even still, Father Time rarely left his domain for any reason unless something that could chance the world itself was about to happen.

Bearing this in mind, North was suddenly on edge. He certainly hoped Time's attendance was out of sheer boredom, and not a sign of the apocalypse.

"Oh yeah, I was wondering about something," The time spirit said, snagging a drink from a passing elf, "Where's the guest of honor?"

North mentally cringed and had the unsightly urge to turn tail and hide himself. Leave it to Time to notice when something was amiss. Granted, it was quite obvious at this point, but still, the Guardian of Wonder held out hope that Time was in one of his more 'oblivious' moods – even if said mood was an act.

"Ah, Jack Frost is just running a bit late, da?" he elaborated as he stood to his full height.

"That a question or a statement, gramps?" Time inquired with a smirk.*

Anyone who's heard of his snark and sarcasm would instantly assume Time was hilarious. But to those on the receiving end of his sharp tongue would immediately claim him to be a rude brat. Though he wasn't nearly as witty when he was put on the spot. His self-proclaimed 'jokes' usually started off as, "So, daylight savings, what's up with that shit?"

Right now, North was both slightly annoyed and apprehensive. He was actually more thankful Time was currently without his all-knowing sight. Though right now, the spirit's omnipotence could be very useful right now…

"It is…both?" North offered lamely, "And I seem to recall you being FAR older than anyone in this room!"

"Hah, and who would believe that now?" tiny fingers traced the edge of the goblet, causing a loud ringing to resonate around them, "But seriously dude, it would likely do you some good if you actually went out to find him."

North groaned internally. So he did know. Great, just what he needed. Though Time did have a point – but North couldn't just up and leave his guests; what kind of host would he be if he did? Not to mention the other Guardians would have his head if they found out he left them to their impatient guests.

"It is good idea, but…the others…"

"Lemme put that bearded head of yours to ease," Time commented, "You can either go out and get frost-butt up here and we all can have ourselves a party. Or, you can stand here waiting for only-I-know-how long, and we can have ourselves a repeat of the disastrous party of 1912."*

North couldn't stop the shudder that ran up his spine. Never…in all his years, did he think having one drunk spirit of disaster and one wasted ice fairy could end so disastrously. The two were still banned from the Atlantic ocean…

"Ah…perhaps I should go look for Jack," North muttered to himself.

"Wait, he's not here?"

Apparently North wasn't as quiet as he thought, nor had he noticed that he and Time had attracted a crowd not even a moment ago. All of which contained the various spirits and fae he had invited, and all of whom were waiting on the mentioned winter sprite.

Time looked around at all the expectant faces and whistled lowly, "Awkward~…"

"Uh, no, no, no! He is just being held up a bit at-"

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"We've been standing here waiting on this kid, and he's probably not even coming?"

"This was a waste of time…"

"Oi, I resent that!"

"NO! No! He _is_ coming! We just do not know…when…" North's weak testimony only seemed to rile the spirits up further.

The other Guardians, now aware of the mass uproar on the other side of the room, quickly came to North's aid.

"Now hang on! We're sure he's coming! He's just late is all, no need to panic!" Tooth tried, though he frantic gestures were doing little to placate the crowd.

"Yeah, just calm down ya bloody dingo's! We'll find him!" Bunny's rather tactless inquiries only seemed to press the crowd closer.

Sandy himself was also faring very poorly. It was times like these he wished he wasn't such a quiet spirit…

The Guardians found themselves pressed up against the back wall as a barrage of accusations, questions, insults, and frustrated inquiries boxed them in. The more temperamental spirits were already causing a mess as their emotional-connected powers brought burns, broken items, and tables and chairs crashing down.

All the while, the Guardians were wondering if this was how they were all going to go. It seemed rather undignified…

"Doesn't Frost live near Pitch's lair?"

The sudden calm, yet slightly annoyed inquiry directed all attention away from the Guardians and down to the two foot tall toddler at their feet. The time spirit nibbled on a cookie while nonchalantly leaning against an overturned table.

Silence and wide eyes greeted the seemingly bored spirit. And when he got no response for a total of twenty-two seconds, the time spirit rolled his mosaic eyes.

"Doesn't it seem odd that Frost has been missing for the past hour, and he coincidently lives mere meters away from the Boogeyman?" he implied.

There was still staring directed at him, but now murmurs of concern were starting to arise. The Guardians even seemed slightly flabbergasted at the rather plausible implication.

"You think Pitch attacked him?" North inquired. Time shrugged.

"Hell should I know. I'm powerless at the moment, and therefore I have no foresight. For all I know, Jacky-boy fell down a well." Said Time.*

His sarcasm now dully noted, the others considered the idea. It wasn't exactly a farfetched assumption. _Everyone_ knew just how nasty Pitch could be; those who never even met him knew the man was known for playing dirty tricks – more often than not because he was _bored_.

"I thought you lot banished him last year though?" St. Patrick inquired.

"We did, but it's not like the dag would stay trapped forever," Bunny said, "Jack even told us a while ago the hole in the ground had reopened last month."

"Then why are you all standing around and not checking on him!?" the androgynous Cupid snapped.

No answer was graced by the Guardians, all of which were starting to look a bit sheepish.

"Wow, Manny will just make ANYONE a Guardian these days, eh?" The large Groundhog sniffed.

"Oh rack off you bloody gopher!" Bunny snapped.

"I'm a GROUNDHOG!"

"Hey! Here's an idea!" Time interjected with a condensing smile, "Instead of throwing unintelligent insults at one another, why don't we all go see if Jack isn't lying on his lake with Pitch chewing on his corpse?"

At any other time, the condensing tone and inquiry would have been met with frowns and grumbles. Now though, it was met with a rather large scramble for the nearest door – or window for the flyers – to get out of the Workshop and to Jack's pond.

Now alone in a rather messy party room with only some Yeti and a few elves, Time blew some of his hair out of his face and tossed his cookie to the floor.

"Idiots…" he vanished in a swirl of energy from his staff.

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_A/N~ Geez, the hell have I been? Please note that updates are going to be more frequent with this one! So enjoy, and again, sorry for the delay!_

_~S~_

_- Sandy pulled a sand bunny out of a sand hat! It has no effect! D8_

_- One of my headcanons for one of my versions of Father Time (this is number two in this) This FT turns into Baby New Years on 12 O'clock New year's Eve, and stays as such until midnight of New Years. It's his power's way of 'refreshing' the Time Stream so life as we know it can continue. But during this phase, FT is almost completely powerless - meaning he is unable to control/manipulate time, and his omnipotent sight is gone._

_- Another headcanon for almost all my versions of FT. FT goes through 'phases'. Depending on which era he is favoring, he will adopt that era's lingo, language (if he's focusing on a different country), and sometimes its fashion whenever he is in a 'mood'. This year it's more modern American. Last year he was going through a Japanese 70s phase._

_- Titanic. Enough said. Moving on!_

_- What's that Sandy? Jack fell down a well? That silly jack! (I am going to hell now...)_


	3. Chapter 3

**New Year's Child.**

Ch. 3

This is a fill from DreamWidth from the RotG KINKmeme. Please enjoy!

Pairing: N/A

Genre: Humor, fluff, family, angst (mild).

Rating: T (for swearing)

_~S~_

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North's sleigh, now currently piled on with the other Guardians plus a few other spirits, circled over Burgess until they passed over a familiar pond. Finding a small clearing a few meters off, North landed his sleigh and hopped out, his sabers clutched tightly in his hands.

"Do you see anything?" He hissed lowly to the others.

"Nah, don't even hear anything…" Bunny responded, his long ears twitching and rotating to try and catch any noise in the air.

"Is he even here at all?" A very bored spirit of April Fools asked, absently tossing one of his Laughing Gas juggling balls in his hand.*

"Not the time, Harley…" Tooth scolded, hovering around with her own rapiers at the ready.

The Guardians and various spirits looked around the snowy forest, their sight slightly obscured by the cover of night – all of which was illuminated by the full moon. It was completely silent, save for the sound of the whistling wind and the shift of branches in the trees.

Bunny's ears suddenly perked up, and he tensed as he faced the south.

"There! I hear something." He said.

The others turned and shifted into fighting stances to where Bunny was facing, weapons and hands drawn for an attack. Sure enough, the sound of crunching snow and shifting foliage was heard, like someone was running towards them. And a strange sound, like an injured animal, was accompanying it.

A dark silhouette appeared obscured behind a few trees, and everyone rushed towards it with battle cries as they drew their weapons-

"AH!"

"What the-!?"

The charging battalion froze, causing a few spirits to bump into or topple each other. A slightly disoriented Hallow even tripped over a branch and slammed face-first into a rather disgruntled Groundhog's back.*

Jack stood before them, panting as he clutched a green bundle to his chest. He looked disheveled and frantic, like he had taken a few laps around the world without rest. It certainly sounded like something he'd do in all honesty.

"Oh thank Moon you guys are here…!" he rasped.

"Jack! What happened? Did Pitch attack you?" North broke in, taking in Jack's appearance for any signs of injury.

"What? Pitch? Why would he…? Ah, never mind! I need your help!" Jack said in exasperation.

"What would you possibly need help with so desperately that you kept us all waiting at the Pole?" Summer snapped, hands planted on her hips.

Jack eyed her and her sisters – Spring and Autumn – before looking to the other expectant spirits. He swallowed loudly and shuffled his feet.

"Okay, first off, don't get mad at me, I had _nothing_ to do with this –"

"That's reassuring…"

"– but I couldn't just leave it here alone!" Jack snapped, ignoring Spring.

"Leave _what?_" Patrick snapped.

"The baby!" Jack snapped.

He promptly presented the wrapped up bundle to the others with outstretched arms. The 'hood' of the blanket fell off the child's head, revealing surprisingly thick locks of black hair and a tear streaked face. The child whimpered and started sobbing suddenly, causing everyone to jump in shock.

"A-a baby!? Where did you get a baby!?" Bunny snapped.

"I didn't get it anywhere! I was on my way to North's, but when I was passing by my lake, there it was!" Jack exclaimed, bringing the child back to his chest to rock it, "It won't stop crying! And I couldn't fly with it; it would have been too cold!"

"Geez, and you holding it was going to help?" Cupid drawled.

"What did you expect me to do!?" Jack snapped, cringing when his raised voice caused the baby's crying to rise an octave, "Oh Moon, someone help me, I'm not good at this kind of thing…!"

"Oh give it here!" Tooth snatched the child from Jack's arms – much to his relief – and started swaying in midair to rock the child.

"Oh, it's okay sweetie, auntie Tooth is here, there's no need to cry!" she crooned.

The child took one look at the fairy and let out a displeased shriek, its toothless mouth sending a shudder down the fairy's back.

"Uh, no, no! It's okay!" she tried to amend.

But the child only continued to scream in distress, causing everyone present to cringe from the high screeching. Now flustered, Tooth surveyed her colleagues and held the child out helplessly.

"Oh give me the lamb!" Patrick promptly snatched up the child none too gently and held it at arm's length like it was a bomb ready to go off.

"Oi, stop yer cryin' already, yer actin' like a wee baby!" he exclaimed.*

This only seemed to aggravate the child more, as the crying seemed to reach sound barrier breaking levels. Bunny and the Groundhog pinned their ears back it was so loud.

"Oh Moon, where is the off button on this thing?" Patrick cringed, turning the child this way and that.

"Maybe it needs to be changed…?" Hallow inquired, the brim of his witch's hat pulled over his ears.

"Oh yeah! Hey Cupid, you wear diapers right? How do you change one?" Patrick inquired in all seriousness.

"EXCUSE ME!?"

While a small squabble broke out among the two spirits, North took the child from Patrick and scoffed.

"Bah, you have no sense of child care! Leave this to me!" The spirit of Wonder then proceeded to make silly faces at the child, bouncing it up and down in his massive hands.

The child stopped crying and simply stared at North with wide, shocked eyes. North grinned in triumph at the child.

"Hah! See? Everyone likes Santa Clause!" he crowed.*

He no sooner yelped and held the child out as it started up its crying. His own eyes now wide, and a bit put out, North looked to the other spirits for help.

"Oh for the love of…!" Bunny took the child from North and started rocking it against his furry chest, "Come on ya little ankle-biter, no need for crying…"

The child looked up at Bunny, face red from crying. It seemed to suddenly take on a disgusted scowl, as if Bunny was the most unlawful sight of its short life. Promptly the child shrieked and waved its arms around to try and break free of the Pooka's furry arms.

"Ah! H-Harley! You take it!" Bunny shoved the child into the April Fool's arms, much to the jester's shock.

"Me!? Why me!?" he exclaimed.

"You're the funny guy here-"

"HEY!"

"Make it laugh or something! Just make it stop crying!" Bunny exclaimed, ignoring Jack's pique.

The Groundhog snorted, "Oh sure, let's give the child to the man that throws pies and Laughing Gas bombs for a living…"*

"Better than handing it off to a beaver…" Harley muttered.

"What did you call me you clown!?"

Jack dropped his face into his hands, completely helpless. What was this? A live sitcom? Because if it was, he wasn't laughing. _At all._

"Getting a bit frustrated, dude?"

Jack yelped and whirled around, staff pointing at his speaker. An unimpressed expression donned the child's face, all of whom sat on a stump a few feet off with a gingerbread cookie sticking out of his mouth. What Jack assumed to be a cloak lay on the child's lap, the hood of which acting as a makeshift bag for the various treats nestled inside it.

"Uh…who are you?" Jack asked carefully.

"I got a lot of names kid," the time spirit remarked, "Chronos, Tempus, Pakiž, Saturn, The Grim Reaper, but everyone calls me Father Time."*

Jack simply _stared_ at the child before him. Seriously? This little kid was Father Time? If the claim itself wasn't so appallingly ridiculous, Jack would have rolled over and died laughing.

Time raised a brow, "Cat got your tongue, Frost?"

"Uh…no, I just uh…" Jack started lamely.

"What?"

"For some reason, I thought you'd be…taller?" Jack tried, a meek smirk crawling over his face.

"Yeah? And I thought you would be an animated snowman with a top hot. We're both disappointed then." Time shot back, biting the head off a gingerbread man.

Jack had to hand it to him, the kid had a mouth…

"Candy won't make a child stop crying!" Tooth snapped at Hallow, all of whom was trying to coax the child into taking an orange flavored lollipop.

"And floss will? It doesn't even HAVE teeth yet..." Hallow said, wincing when the child threw the lollipop at his head.

The seasonal sisters and other spirits continued to hover over the group, spouting various 'right' ways to calm the child. All to no avail and only resulting in various headaches.

As the volume of voices increased, North stepped into the crowded and bellowed out,

"Everyone! Please, be calming down and just – PATRICK! Don't you dare give the child Brandy! I don't care if it worked on you as a child, we are NOT going to give it alcohol!* - and settle this like civilized spirits! You're all acting like _animals!_" he bellowed.

The Groundhog and Bunny shot North insulted scowls. The Christmas spirit, realizing his wording mistake, gave a meek grin and ducked his head a bit.

"Eheh, no offence." He said.

"Well I don't see YOU coming up with anything!" Cupid snapped.

"Yeah, you're supposed to be the Guardians of children, you should know this stuff!" Harley exclaimed.

"Don't be so stereotypical!" Tooth snapped.

"Yeah, and why don't you know anything!? You're always bragging about how you can make anyone laugh their sorrows away!" Bunny snapped.

"It's not _our_ job to make sure kids are safe! _Some_ of us actually deal in adult affairs!" Cupid inquired snootily.

"Oh rack off you cotton-candy fairy!"

"I'm a CHERUB!"

Now thoroughly flustered – both from the arguing and his own failed attempt at calming the child – Sandy looked around the clearing before spotting Father Time sitting serenely back on a stump. The Dreamweaver flew over to the time spirit and signed frantically to him, pleading for his help.

"Uh-huh, yeah, call me when I don't have the urge to suck my thumb anymore…" Time said passively.

Sandy only continued his frantic signing, complete with wild hand gestures and flying arms.

"Pft, are you kidding me? Look at me!" Time gestured to his tiny body, "I have a huge head, I'm two and a half feet tall, and got buck teeth that can put Groundhog and Bugs Bunny over there to shame-"

"I HEARD THAT!"

"-and you think I can help? Sorry, no can do." Time reclined back against the tree with his arms behind his head, the very picture of relaxation.

Now thoroughly frustrated, more images flew over Sandy's head, all accompanied by a few 'snarky' gestures.

"Oi, just because I'm omnipotent, doesn't mean I know HOW to do everything*; and anyway, I'm powerless now. You're one of the 'Guardians of children', you tell me how to calm her down."

Sandy's brow twitched irritably, expressions of cursing forming over his head.

"Oh well EXCUSE me. I am SO sorry I have to sacrifice MY power and energy into starting up YOUR new year to refresh YOUR powers out of the goodness of my ticking heart, and therefore subject myself to the indignant form of a living caricature…" Time sighed and crossed his arms, "So ungrateful…you're on your own creampuff." *

Sandy simply gave Time a very rude hand gesture with a scowl.

The clearing was suddenly filled with a horrendous shriek from a certain child, all of whom was caught in a bit of a multi-way tug-of-war with various spirits.

"Give it here!"

"No way! You're not holding it right!"

"Look who's talking! You tried to hold it by its damn feet!"

"It's supposed to relax a child!"

"No it's not!"

"Yeah, everyone knows booze makes everythin' better!"

"You boys don't know what you're doing!"

"Bleeding hell, you dingo's are gonna tear it in half!"

Well, Jack thought, slumping miserably against a tree, this couldn't get any worse…

**X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X**

_A/N~ NOTICE! I OWN THE MENTIONED OCs AND THEIR SPECIFIC ABILITIES/PERSONIFICATIONS IN THIS FIC! But I do not won the actual Leprechaun, cupid, etc. _

_- Another OC of mine, Harlequin Aprils. He's a very carefree, modern-jester sorts that spreads mirth and laughter to the world on April 1st. His main weapons are his Laughing Gas loaded juggling balls and balloon animals, all of which could contain Laughing Gas, Tear Gas, or Circus Fog - all of which will put someone in a hallucination for a limited, or permanent, amount of time._

_- Hallow, my OC spirit of Halloween, is a bit clumsy and lethargic during the months outside of Autumn. He normally sleeps throughout the other three seasons, but will sometimes wake up during events as long as either Mother Nature or a high ranking Autumn spirit allows it._

_- Not an official OC of mine, but Patrick here is a bit brash and tactless in the face of children. Now my actual Patrick OC is much calmer and refined. But still enjoys booze. XD_

_- Lies, all lies! I was TERRIFIED of Santa as a kid! I don't know why, but I was! Not anymore though, I'm practically as tall as all the Santa's I met now XD_

_- Let the record show that Harley's Laughing Gas bombs are not like the gas you would get at a dentist office to help you relax. Harley's Laughing Gas actually makes you laugh._

_- These are all various names given to the personification of Time. Or at least all the ones I could find in a single Yahoo search. So lazy~_

_- I've heard some very old time parents have used Brandy, Rum, or other forms of alcohol on their kids to help them get over a cold, or on toddlers when their teeth begin to ache from teething. Though in this day and age, this method of pain relief is frowned upon, thank you very much._

_- Consider the symmetry of taking a written driving test, and then taking the actual driving test. You may pass the written test with flying colors, but that doesn't mean you're completely prepared for the actual thing. (granted I passed my test on the first try, but still). _

_- I cannot begin to tell you all how much fun I had writing that one rant. LAWL_

_Enjoy!_

_~S~_


	4. Chapter 4

**New Year's Child.**

Ch. 4

This is a fill from DreamWidth from the RotG KINKmeme. Please enjoy!

Pairing: N/A

Genre: Humor, fluff, family, angst (mild).

Rating: T (for swearing)

_~S~_

**X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X**

Silken black sheets shifted as their occupant groaned and rolled over. Small clusters of dirt and rock crumbled from the ceiling above and gather in the dip of the black canopy over the bed, courtesy of the stomping and loud yelling from above the cavern.

The noise above briefly stopped, and the bed's occupant slowly started to relax…

Before the yelling stared up again, and with a vengeance.

Pitch growled lowly and grabbed a spare silken pillow, pressing it over his head in a vain attempt to block out the noise so he could sleep _god damn it._

But the racket above did not let up. Silver eyes with gold bursts cracked open wearily with annoyance. A rather prominent chunk of debris crashing into his bed's canopy finally prompted the shirtless Boogeyman into a slumped sitting position. Groaning, Pitch ran a thin hand through his disheveled hair, pushing some loose locks back into their proper slicked back position before he scowled up at the ceiling.

His sharp ears picked up certain voices he was quite familiar with, and they brought a scowl to his face as indignation and irritation boiled in his blood.

Were the Guardians so bored that they had to take it upon themselves to disturb his rest? Were they so smug that, out of sheer whim, they decided to mock him further by having a shouting match over his damn sleeping quarters? _Really?_

'_These are the spirits that I lost all power to?'_ He thought.

Dear Moon, that's just sad…

_Crack!_

Pitch yelped as a rather large rock suddenly fell out of his ceiling, plunged a hole through his nice canopy, and made itself a nice crater in his sheets between his knees.

If he wasn't so relieved at having that rather heavy looking rock not landing on a more sensitive part of his anatomy, Pitch would be loudly complaining about his now ruined bed linens. And he just got them too!

The volume of the voices seemed to increase, along with what sounded like…what _was_ that? It sounded like someone was strangling a Wolverine!*

Pitch scoffed and tossed his sheets off himself, briefly shuddering from the sudden chill, and formed his shadowy robe around himself. He was _not_ going to give the Guardians the satisfaction of knowing they had successfully irritated him. No, he was simply going to _politely_ ask them to leave his territory. And if they refused – which is the most likely scenario – he was simply going to give them something to _really_ scream about…

Dropping into a shadow – and making a mental note to make a new sheet out of that insufferable Pooka's hide – Pitch reappeared on the surface.

Clenching his fists, the Boogeyman grit his teeth and shouted,

"Would you all shut the _bloody hell up!?_ Some of us are trying to sleep here!" he shouted.

All present suddenly fell silent. The spirits – all of which Pitch just now seemed to notice, but gave no outward sign of this – turned slowly to face Pitch, eyes wide in shock. The Boogeyman held his scowl in place, his posture threatening and hands clenched into fists.

A bit of a stare down ensured – the spirits supposedly too shocked to really make any remarks, and the Guardians themselves too stunned to have an immediate plan of action.

Pitch raised a brow and bore his teeth in aggravation.

"What? Speechless already? You all couldn't stay away, so you just had to rub salt into my wounds and-"

Pitch paused when he caught sight of the source of the odd noise in a certain Guardian of Fun's arms. His metallic eyes blinked once slowly, as if he wasn't certain he was seeing things right.

Bunny suddenly scowled and pulled out a boomerang, fur bristling.

"Pitch, you got ten seconds to high tail it outta here or-"

"What…" Pitch started, a strange sort of disbelieving irritation creeping into his features, "Are you doing…?"

"What?" Bunny asked, "What's it look like? I'm threating to beat the snot out of-"

"What are you _doing!?_" Pitch snapped, looking outraged.

Faster than anyone could think, Pitch stormed purposefully towards the crowd of spirits, forcibly parting them. He shoved everyone aside until he stopped and looked down his nose at Jack, all of whom was staring up at Pitch with wide, stunned eyes.

Pitch narrowed his eyes at Jack and crossed his arms, "Well?"

Jack was actually too frightened by that hard gaze to pay much mind to the wailing child in his arms, and by the time he found his voice, it was just as pathetic as their attempts at calming the child.

"Uh…" he started lamely, "Well what…?"

"I will not repeat myself, Frost," Pitch hissed, "But I simply must ask just _why_ you are letting this child wail her lungs out. She's going to hurt herself if you let her keep screaming!"*

"Tch, I'd like to see _you_ try and calm it down," Bunny scoffed, "That would be a sight."

"Then allow me to give you that opportunity."

Without another word, Pitch abruptly scooped the child out of Jack's arms, much to the other spirits' horror.

"PITCH! You put that child down this inst-!"

"Shh…" silencing North with a venomous glare, but with a gentle shushing noise towards the child, he turned away from the imposing crowd and began to sway gently in place, humming to the child in his arms.

And to everyone's complete and utter shock, the child started to calm down. The incisive crying and wailing was quickly reduced to quiet hiccups and sniffles, all of which were progressively vanishing as well. Each gentle sway of Pitch's body, coupled by the unknown tune he was humming, seemed to lull the child into a sense of calm. The spirits, and the Guardians, were utterly speechless.

A couple more moments passed before the child finally quieted completely. Obsidian black eyes slowly drifted shut, a grey thumb coming up to wipe away leftover tears from the baby's plump cheeks. The child cooed quietly before turning its head slightly towards the Boogeyman's chest, the comforting warmth radiating from his body a soothing balm to the once distressed infant's body.

Once sure the child was asleep, Pitch carefully eased his swaying to a full stop and sighed softly to himself. He turned his head to look at the others, and he nearly barked out a laugh at their expressions.

Everyone's jaws – sans Time, who was looking as bored as ever – were practically plunging past the earth and into his lair. At any other time, he would have found their gaping faces absolutely hysterical. But now, he was finding it a bit uncouth.

"Pick your jaws up already before something flies in there and builds a nest…" he grumbled softly, adjusting the blanket around the child.

"How…?" Bunny rasped, his ears hanging limply on either side of his head.

"You said you wanted to see me try and calm her," Pitch shot back sassily, but quietly, "I was only too happy to oblige."

"But you…" Jack shook his head, "Why did-? _How?_"

The utterly impassive expression Pitch shot Jack could have well been a slap to the face, it was so powerful.

"It's not rocket science, Frost…" he explained slowly.

"Pft, who knew? The _Boogeyman_ is better with kids than the _Guardians of Childhood!_ What a laugh! DOH!"

The Groundhog was abruptly floored by a knobby grey fist to his jaw, courtesy of one Pitch Black.

"Do be quiet, you'll wake her." He hissed lowly, slipping his arm back under the child.

"Pitch…" Tooth started, still utterly stunned, "You just calmed a child…"

"Oh please, it would be a mockery of my very existence to allow the Guardians to make a child scream more than I can," Pitch snorted, looking away from the spirits, "Paralysis is a common side effect experienced in the face of pure horror after all…"

Pitch blatantly ignored the smirk on Sandy's face from his statement. He wasn't going to give the little gold turd the satisfaction of seeing him flustered from the attention – let alone from the fact he managed to sooth a child of his own accord.

The awkward silence was suddenly interrupted by a slow clapping. All eyes averted to a patronizingly grinning Baby New Year's.

"Bravo everyone, quite a show," he said with a condensing tone, "But might I suggest we head back now? I got a job to re-start on in…" The time spirit checked a pocket watch in his cloak, "Twenty-four minutes, and thirty-two seconds."*

"A-ah yes!" North said, but suddenly his expression turned dark as he averted his gaze back to Pitch, "And the child…?"

"We can't just leave it-"

"Her." Pitch suddenly cut in.

The Guardians and spirits looked confusedly at Pitch. The Boogeyman fixed them all with a disbelieving look of exasperation.

"Are you going to tell me, on top of being incapable of pacifying her, you didn't even attempt to decipher her gender?" he growled darkly.

The silence and embarrassed expressions that greeted him was answer enough.

"…these are the people protecting the children of the world," He muttered impassively, "The universe is imploding…"*

"Rack off ya bloody sod, and hand over the kid. She's comin' back to the Pole with us." Bunny growled, tightening his grip on his boomerangs.

Pitch scowled back at the Pooka before looking back down at the child. His expression visibly softened into something surprisingly tender and wistful. On one hand, he could just take the girl just to spite the others. But on the other, what could he do with her? He had absolutely no resources or necessities to take care of a child. Sure, he could conjure up a nursery, a crib, and other such things easily, but it wouldn't be safe. Nightmares and Fearlings roamed his lair, and an infant would be a perfect target for them. And as much as he enjoys watching a child writhe in the throes of terror, the thought of seeing this child afraid…it didn't settle well with him. It was like a bad ache in his stomach that seemed to reverberate all the way up into his dead heart…

The spirits all tensed visibly when Pitch didn't immediately hand the child over. They all assumed he would simply spirit the child away as a means of revenge against the Guardians. But much to their surprise, Pitch sighed after a moment and nodded, holding the child out to the Guardians in his cupped arms.

North stepped forward cautiously, eyeing Pitch wearily. When it became apparent Pitch was in no mood to attack or try anything vicious, he held out his large hands to the child. Pitch scowled at him.

"Arms folded, and be sure to support her head." He scolded.*

Slightly put off, if not chastised, North did as he was told and mimicked the crossed position Pitch had his own arms in, one palm facing up to have the child's head placed in. Pitch looked North's arms over, and after adjusting the elbows a bit, he nodded in satisfaction and carefully transferred the infant into the muscular arms.

But the moment Pitch's arms started to slip away, the child whimpered. Then she woke up and started to cry again.

The others all jumped at the sudden turn of events, North himself feeling quite uncomfortable with a wailing infant in his arms.

"I did not do anything!" he exclaimed, as if he expected Pitch to fly into a paternal rage at him.

Tempting though it was, Pitch was just as surprised as the others at the child's sudden change in behavior. But he couldn't ignore the sudden instinctual urge to correct this.

He swiftly took the child out of North's arms and cradled her back into his own against his chest, shushing her like he did before. Almost immediately, the little girl calmed before she could start really wailing, and settled back into the Boogeyman's arms peacefully.

Making sure she was asleep again, Pitch looked up at the others apprehensively, just as uncertain as they were from the sudden turn of events.

"Well…" Time started, intrigued, "Seems she only responds to Pitch's presence. Ain't that a hoot?"

The silent implication he was making was not lost on them. But that didn't mean they were about to openly acknowledge it. Or so they didn't want to…

The Guardians gave Pitch a strange look, but it was quite clear to him what they were thinking, and he doubted he had much choice in the matter.

'_Looks like I'm going to the Pole…'_ he thought dryly, _'Oh joy…'_

**X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X**

_A/N~ OKAY I AM GOING TO BED NOW GOOD NIGHT I AM SLEEPING FOREVER._

_-...I do NOT apologize. 83_

_- Fact, infants, especially very young infants, can severely damage their throats if they are left crying for too long. Results of this raw screaming can lead to strained/pulled throat and vocal cords, damaged throat tissues, lung damage, or bleeding lacerations of the esophagus. But cases like these are fairly rare since very few people would leave an infant crying for the amount of time it would take for the child in question to develop these injuries._

_- Please note that Father Time here is going to be playing a bit of a role later down the line once he gets his 'original' form back X3_

_- Yes Pitch, your pain is easily shared amongst us. *le sigh* they need to get out more...(sans Jack, he's just not that adverse to kids that throw tantrums better than snowballs lol)_

_- If you don't pass Pitch's 'test of paternal capability', you are not worthy of a child. Period._

_Enjoy!_

_~S~_


	5. Chapter 5

**New Year's Child.**

Ch. 5

This is a fill from DreamWidth from the RotG KINKmeme. Please enjoy!

Pairing: N/A

Genre: Humor, fluff, family, angst (mild).

Rating: T (for swearing)

_~S~_

_A/N~ Oh lawdy, what am I doing on here? I'm sick as a dog, I'm doped up on cold meds, and my speech is impaired by an overly stuffed nose. Yes, this sounds gross – you ever took a picture of the inside of your nose and looked at it? Try it, you're a disgusting person…_

…

…_Jesus H. Christ, wtf are they putting in Nyquil these days?_

_Anyways, I apologize in advance for the delay here folks! Demand for my other fics has been CRAZY! XD Ahem, no but seriously, WOW. I am not used to all this praise or popularity. Granted its small recognition and such, but like hell it isn't an experience, if not humbling. I am not the least bit used to praise, nor the eagerness to see things updated from my readers. I near have an anxiety attack when I get a wave of reviews when I update something! XD_

_But anyways, now updating something some of you have been dying to read more about!_

_Please enjoy!_

_~S~_

**X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X**

The moment Pitch was brought to North's Workshop – after a long voyage of back-seat driving and criticizing North's driving skills prior – he felt like a deer caught in headlights.*

'_So this is what Agoraphobia feels like…'_ he thought*. He wasn't sure whether to feel proud or ashamed of himself for inflicting the mentioned phobia on people.

The child in his arms crooned, and he adjusted his arms so she rested more comfortably against his chest. The spirits that followed them back to the Workshop were all meandering around him, whispering quietly to themselves while throwing him strange, wide eyed looks over their shoulders. Nine out of ten times Pitch would sneer right back at them, or make some kind of grotesque noise to frighten them. Ironically though, the child seemed to find the noises amusing, if not fascinating. She was completely unafraid of Pitch, a fact that settled oddly with him.

The Guardians, however, were all huddled in a corner in a tight circle as they discussed the current issue at hand as quietly as possible. Although Pitch was tempted to remind them his sharp hearing made their conversation quite clear, he was curious as to what they would be discussing.

"What should we do? The child obviously won't respond to us like she does to Pitch…" Tooth started meekly.

"I am not sure," North said, stroking his beard thoughtfully, "But I think we are having little choice in matter. We do not know how to take care of infants, and neither do the other spirits."

Sandy looked at Jack and formed various images over his spikey head. Jack shook his head.

"No, I didn't see any sign of the kid's mom," he said sadly, "No footprints, no note, nothing…"

"Do you think she was abandoned?" Tooth asked, her feathers ruffling in alarm.

North shook his head, but looked uncertain, "She does not look malnourished, and she is not newborn. Perhaps it is abandonment, but it doesn't seem to fit."*

"But what do we do?" Jack asked, "I mean, yeah, I'm pretty good with kids, but she's kind of out of my age-range. In fact, she's kind of out of all of our age requirement quota."

"Well we can't just let that wanker handle the kid!" Bunny hissed, "The moment we turn our backs, he's probably gonna _eat_ her!"*

"You know, despite popular belief, I do not _eat_ children," Pitch broke in, "At least, not anymore. They're far too fattening."*

The Guardians and spirits openly gaped at Pitch with pale faces – sans Time, who was looking far too amused. The Nightmare King stared back at them with an openly unimpressed look, his mouth pressed into a flat line.

"I was joking, I do that sometimes…" he grumbled. The child crooned and waved her arms from the light vibrations of his chest, causing a slight smile to stretch over his once seriously set mouth.

He gently gripped one of her hands to keep her from squirming too much, letting her play with his fingers.

"Well, what do you lot plan to do?" he asked.

"Find the ankle-biter's mum, then get her as far away from you as possible." Bunny snapped.

Pitch scoffed and rolled his eyes. The other spirits watched in astonishment as the child pulled down Pitch's index finger, and he allowed her to stick it in her mouth to suck on like a pacifier.*

"Do you all even have the means to care for an infant?" he scoffed, ignoring the wide-eyed looks from the spirits.

"Of course we do!" North defended.

"Cookies and toys do not count, Cossack," Pitch scolded calmly, "I'm talking about things she _needs_."

"Like what?" Jack asked, "How much could a baby need?"*

Wrong question to ask…

"Oh just a few things…" Pitch started all too pleasantly, "You will need a crib, a changing table, a supply of diapers and clothing, baby-safe cleaning products like shampoos and soaps, baby food and formula, powders, oils, and lotions. You will also need to baby proof _every_ nook and cranny a child can get into, and that includes the elf tunnels, light sockets, tool boxes, paint cans, and other unsafe supplies and toys or items that can pose a choking hazard."*

"You will also be required to keep her entertained, and that does not include snowball fights, looking at bloody teeth, painting eggs, sculpting ice, or sleeping – she _needs_ stimulation. You will also need to build up a schedule around her – in fact, consider your usual daily excursions done and over if you take her on. She's still young enough where she needs to be fed every few hours, _including_ at night; so kiss your full night's sleep goodbye. The moment you bring a child into your home, your life revolves around her, and nothing else…"*

Pitch finished listing off some of the things they would need for the child, before fixing the Guardians and spirits with a raised brow and lopsided smirk.

"And that's _if_ you can get within five feet of her without making her cry." He said.

The Boogeyman was having a very difficult time not outright guffawing at the spirits and Guardian's star-struck expressions. By this point, he was actually starting to believe something was actually going to fly into their mouths and build a nest. It would be quite a fitting sight in all honesty.

"So, any takers?" he suddenly asked, curling his fingers into a loose fist as the child in his arms turned her attention to his sleeves.

Not a single spirit spoke up or jumped to take the child in. The Guardians were all giving each other questioning looks, as if mentally asking if they had all these things – and the spare time. But it was a silent agreement and understanding. None of them had the time to take care of a child, let alone an infant. And an infant that probably didn't even like them to boot.

But another thing seemed to occur to them, more so Sandy than anyone else. The gold man formed a question mark, a silhouette of Pitch, and a swaddled baby over his head before pointing to the Boogeyman.

North frowned, "That is good question, Sandy…" he eyed Pitch with a quirked brow, "How _do_ you know all of this?"*

Attention that was once of stunned staring now became curious and quizzical. A few quiet murmurs were shared amongst the spirits, all circling around his spontaneous knowledge of childcare.

The Boogeyman opened his mouth at that point to protest he knew all of this because-

…wait, how _did_ he know all of this?

Pitch frowned to himself as he wracked his brain for any memories of when he may have heard or perhaps read about childcare. But why would he be reading – or observing – on the needs of an infant? He wasn't too picky on literature, but he doubted he would suddenly take an interest in the 'how to for idiots' sections of libraries.

So then why…?

"_It's a girl!"_

"_Let's hope she doesn't get your nose!"_

"_No dear! You need to support her head!"_

"_Daddy, I got an owie…"_

"_You're almost a natural now!"_

"_I'm no good at this Koz, how do you do it…?"_

"_Not everyone is cracked up to being a widowed parent, and a soldier at that…"_

"_Daddy…!"_

"-itch…Pitch…PITCH!"

The Boogeyman startled out of his resolve. He physically winced at the sudden throbbing in the back of his head and on the left side of his chest. Pitch shook his head of the haze he had dropped into and looked to the others.

"Ah, what? What is it…?" he started, blinking away the heated sensation behind his eyes.

"Um, you okay…?" Jack asked, looking Pitch over, "We kinda lost you there for a sec."

"What? N-no, I'm fine, just tired…" and he was. When did he get so tired? Was it close to morning already?*

"You are sure?" North probed. He frowned slightly and cocked his head, "You are be looking a bit…green around the fins."

Fins? What was he – oh, he meant gills, Pitch thought. The Boogeyman cleared his throat and straightened his posture, making sure the child was secure in his arms. He fixed them all with his trademark annoyed sneer.

"North, I am _fine_," he snapped, "Now if you don't mind, I would like to find someone capable of taking care of this child before I just leave her to-"

"Why don't you take care of her?"

All eyes that were once seemingly permanently glued to Pitch's person, now veered over to Time. The tiny spirit was looking for all the world like he would rather be anywhere else, his right knee bouncing on the floor from his perch on a chair. He also seemed to be radiating a very prominent amount of heat, like an engine just about to give its first rev and plow through a race track.*

But these notes were all forgotten when what he suggested fully settled into the Guardian and spirits' brains.

"What? Let that…that…_thing_ take care of a baby?" The Groundhog exclaimed, a nice purpling bruise starting to mar the visible skin around his left eye.

"Well who else would you suggest, rodent?" Time grunted, checking one of his watches, "And make it quick, I'm not going to make the New Year late because mister sciophobia here was being a di-"*

"Language, Time, there is a child present…" Pitch scolded impassively.

"English, Black, and despite popular belief, she can't understand at this stage," Time grinned before hopping up onto his feet on the chair, "Alright, anyone who has at least a slight shred of confidence in the situation, speak up if you can take the kid."

No answer. Uncertain looks were shared between the spirits and Guardians, all displaying not even a shred of desire to take in an orphaned child. But then again, even if they did want to take her in, Pitch would only be too happy to crow out reasons they shouldn't have her.

Hal was out, sweet as the kid was, but they didn't need a live reenacted spirit-world version of 'Teen Mom'.* Harely was a no as well – he had the attention span of a helium high squirrel, and his home was in the sky. The _sky!_* Cupid? No, the child could get into his arrows and choke, and he also lived in a ridiculously high place. Patrick was out; despite his protectiveness of the younger spirits, he was not the least bit 'gentle' with anything below a can of beer. The seasonal sisters and other such spirits were out as well – rumor had it they had been getting particularly lazy in their duties, he didn't want to imagine what adding a baby into the fray would do.* Groundhog? Oh _hell_ no. That just left the Guardians…

Pitch took a moment to look each and every one over, as if sizing up who would be best suited to even getting within ten feet of the child. Well he supposed Tooth…? No, far too flaky; she'd probably drop the child the moment she got the mental signal from a particularly nice tooth somewhere in the world. North? Eh…maybe. With training.* Bunny? Pft, when Pitch wanted to run the risk of fleas and other bugs from his Warren crawling onto the child, then he'd call the Pooka. Sandy was a pretty good candidate – if he likely wasn't going to make the child sleep her life away! And Jack…

'_Moon above, it's like trying to choose which activated bomb is going to go off sooner! There is no good choice!'_ Pitch's brow twitched at the utter stupidity of the situation. These spirits could _not_ be this hopeless.

Well, he thought somewhat hopefully, the Guardians at least would probably make somewhat decent team-babysitters…?

"So it's decided then!" Time suddenly crowed from the muttering sea of spirits, "Pitch will stay here with the Guardians, and take care of the kid under their watch, and contribute their own two cents into the whole thing if they desire."

"Wait, _what!?_" Both Pitch and the group of Guardians were utterly astonished by this.

"Yep," Time said all too happily, hopping down from his chair, "I mean, come on, what else is there to be done about it? You're the only one qualified, but your lair isn't safe. They're not the least bit reliable, but at least it's safe here at the Workshop."

"And you just expect me go along with this?" Pitch rasped, trying to keep as voice low and not disturb the drowsy child in his arms, "I can't stay _here!_ For all I know, _they_ will eat _me!_"

"Oh come on Pitch!" Jack crowed, "You look so yummy!"*

"Not now Frostbite…" Bunny grumbled.

Pitch shot Frost a rude hand gesture, "What about Mother Nature? She could handle the-"

"Um, actually…" Autumn broke in meekly, "Lady Nature is a bit…upset with us seasonal spirits, and hasn't been seen in about a month or so…"

"She's quite cross, and demanded not to be disturbed." Summer added.

"For how long…?" Pitch grit out.

"Um…" Spring twiddled her thumbs, "For the next few decades…?"

Pitch chose to apply every ounce of his self-restraint into not verbally lashing out at the obviously meek seasonal spirits. There was a child present after all, and he was anything but at the very least considerate of that. He couldn't have his surprise skills in the area tarnished after all, in front of everyone else to boot.

"It…seems we have little opinion in matter." North yielded, although begrudgingly and with a weary glance at Pitch.

"Now just a minute, I-"

"Alrighty then! It's settled!" Time crowed, "Now that that's settled, I'm going to attend to my duties and then see how this all plays out. Might be entertaining."

Time waved his staff deftly, and with one final all-too-knowing smirk, waved to everyone.

"See you all soon." And he vanished in a puff of gossamer metallic particles just as the gong of the clock in the corner chimed midnight.*

An awkward silence engulfed the room then; the few Yetis and elves that stuck around even feeling its affect. Various colored eyes swiveled to and from various individuals, uncertain as to what had just happened. But no one, not even Pitch, was about to make a blatant protest. Time may be a bit of an enigmatic shrew, but his word was practically _law_. It was an unspoken rule – you did not argue with time. You did not go against it. And you most certainly _do not_ defy it.

The silence was broken suddenly by a low voice.

"So, um, yeah, I think I should get going…" Hal started, shuffling for the nearest window, "Need to get to sleep after all, and uh…yeah. Um, see you in September, Jack…" the Halloween spirit waved before leaping out of an open window, riding a jet of fire from his witch's broom.

"Um, yeah, what he said. I gotta go and do…stuff…" Harley added, his trademark grin looking strained, "You know, parties to be at and such."

"I-I think I hear a couple in New York calling for one of my arrows…"

"I need to paint some flowers."

"New pub opened up, I plan to break 'er in."

"Gotta prepare for spring."

One by one, every spirit in the room – sans the Guardians – made their weak excuses and filed out of the Workshop. The ballroom, now devoid of all the guests, was rather bleak with its littered food and décor. An elf was floating in the punch bowl in the corner, and North was pretty sure one of Hal's wisps burnt a majority of the food while they were away. North also took note that the corner table that once held various aged liquors and wines was now empty; damn Patrick and his drinking problems…

Pitch seemed to be the first to regain himself. He fixed the Guardians with a nasty sneer that should not have looked so intimidating with a sleeping baby in his arms.

"Well?" he hissed.

"Uh…" Jack said, "Well what?"

"Well don't just stand there!" Pitch snapped, "Show me where you plan to keep her so I can set things up! And then take me to your bathing faculties – she needs to be cleaned up before she's put down to bed."

It then seemed to occur to the Guardians that Pitch, the Boogeyman, was going to be bunking with North – with a _baby. _Even worse, they were _all_ going to be contributing around the child in the Workshop.

'_Crap…'_ was their collective thought.

This can only end well…

To be continued…

**X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X**

_A/N~ Uuuuhhhh…yeah, NOW I'm actually going to sleep forever…or at least until this cold passes. Ugh…*passes out*_

_- Yes people, Pitch went all BAMF on North and mocked his driving skills with a child on board. He also probably scolded him about not having child seats and actual seatbelts._

_- Agoraphobia is the fear of large crowds or other people. It's more of an anxiety disorder than an actual phobia._

_- Cases of child abandonment are often assumed if the child is malnourished, dirty, or a newborn. The most common cause for abandonment is PPD, or Post-Partum Depression. Infants are more likely to be abandoned as newborns – when the mother was either unaware of her pregnancy, found out too late to terminate, rape-product cases, or in teen-pregnancy cases._

_- Some legends dictate the Boogeyman, or other variations of him, to eating children. _

_- Hey, you gotta figure. They got all that baby fat on them too, and Pitch needs to watch his figure after all. XD_

_- Little kids, especially babies, are prone to putting things in their mouths. The reasons vary from child to child, but all mostly lea dup to the conclusion that the sensation of suckling feels good and is reminisce of nursing, and/or biting on a hard item helps sooth any irritation in the gums from teething or other reasons. Either way, Pitch don't give a sh**. XD_

_- Oh, my god. Guys, seriously...guys. NEVER. ASK. That question, ESPECIALLY to a parent. They will raise HELL on you. I fricken lost a BET and had to ask this to an adult when I was younger as a result. I had NO idea why my friend wanted me to ask this when he could have told me to do something awful, but NEVER AGAIN. It's like a baby-care course being done on a hostage! D8_

_- Thank god for moms. And the internet. I wouldn't have typed out HALF this rant without help from the internet and mom. _

_- You should all be ashamed of yourselves. You just HAD to be a baby at one point! And even still you're probably living at home! Apologize to your parents now! They probably had hopes and dreams!...PFT! (I'm kidding!)_

_- Why indeed? (Yes people, I am aware Pitch had a daughter before he became the Boogeyman. To those who don't know...man...I'm sorry, but what are you doing reading this? Go get the books or skim the wikis!)_

_- I see Pitch as nocturnal in all honesty, but capable of going out in the day if he's strong enough. Yes, it's always night SOMEWHERE in the world, but when you're brought as low in power as he is, you take as much sleep as you can get in the meantime. It's like school and summer break._

_- Being almost midnight at that point, Time is getting restless and his body is basically kicking itself into overdrive to 'refresh' the new year. Think of a nuclear bomb about to go off in your stomach, but you're holding it in. Not a pleasant sensation. Not that I would know...*shifty eyes*_

_- Sciophobia is the fear of shadows and dark places. Consider the Groundhog seeing his shadow signifying more winter, and not seeing it signifying a coming spring. He hates his shadow. He is terrified of his shadow. The end._

_- Hal, like Jack, holds the physical appearance of a teenager, but is older than Jack. _

_- My OC Harley lives in a Big Top in the clouds supported by various balloons._

_- This statement will hold significance in the later future. Moving on!_

_- Can you really teach an old dog new tricks? If the treats are cookies, maybe._

_- Well if you're into licorice or something...or if you think he's 'yummy'. Lulz._

_- CINDERELLA HAS LEFT THE BALL! 8DD_

_Enjoy!_

_~S~_


End file.
